Once a girl is quite fantasized about "69". She has a regular boyfriend they have never done it before. One day she invites her boyfriend to her apartment for romantic dinner. After heavy dinner, she tells him that she wants to do "69". But the Boyfriend doesn't have any idea about what is 69. Girlfriend gets upset but thinks that she can teach him how to do 69. she asks him to lay down...and she then lays on top of him in reverse direction so as in 69. The boyfriend is
come on,reading the tongue twister below at your fastest speed.Now,time..."i can can a small can in a big canbut i can not can a big can in a small canif you can a big can in a small can you can can what i can not can"tongue twister is a very interesting format of language.can you give some good tongue twister to practise?
Where can i download Ophra on the net?
These are a few Ya mama jokes I heard when I was a kid. Ya mama's so poor, she has to use a fork with cereal to save on milk:PYa mama's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can, I asked her what she was doing and she said she was moving. Ya mama's so poor, when I stepped on a cigarrete on the ground, she said why did you get rid of my heat. blah, that's all i can think of for now,. I'll write more when I think of them
all i know that is good for jokes is http://newjokes.com/
Good night Kiss!One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to bid each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?" Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her. "No, please.
New windowshttp://www.zone.ee/someflashes/windows-rg.swf
A man walks into a bar swinging a set of jumper leads above his head. The barman looks over and says "You're not going to start anything in here, mate!" Three strings walk into a bar. The bartender throws them out, yelling "Can't you read the sign?! I don't serve strings." The strings try again, and again the bartender kicks them out. Finally, one of the strings gets the idea to mess himself up a little. He walks into the bar. The bartender scowls, "W
...welll..is it gonna happen , iam sure it will Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..." Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order." Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?" Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's6102049998-45-54610."Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 MeadowlandDrive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at LincolnInsurance is 745-2302 and yo
>SUPER BABY > >A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk. >He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked. >"Yes, I am," said the doctor. >The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth." >He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?" >"Yes, dear, I am," said the mother, beaming. >"Thank you for taking such good care of me be
"Computers in the future will weigh no more than 1.5 tons." (Popular Mechanics, forecasting advance of science, 1949.)"I think there's a world market for maybe five computers." (Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.)"I have travelled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." (Editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957.)"But wha
The 5 Steps To Perfect Relationship
1. It is important to find a woman who helps at home, who cooks fromtime totime, cleans up and has a job.2. It is important to find a woman who can make you laugh.3. It is important to find a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie toyou.4. It is important to find a woman who is good in bed and who likes to bewith you.5. It is very important that these four women don't know each other.
See! This Is The Power Of Your Mind
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig h
Two goldfish were in their tank. One turns to the other and says, "You man the guns, I'll drive." do you get it?
You Are A Bad Cook If... - The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire - Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven. - You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark! - Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop. - The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter. - Those annoying pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy
Bill Gates Died In A Car Accident
He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God .. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'mnot sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. Afterall, you enormously helped society by putting acomputer in almost every home in the world and yet youcreated that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to dosomething I've never done before.In your case, I'm going to let you decide where youwant to go!"Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's thedifference
The Funniest Websites On The Net
I Am Going To Start Of This Topic By Suggesting miniclip.com(Games Site)
Facts About Mumbai Engineering College Girls
Facts about Engg. Gals !!!!!>> 1. What is the beautiful girl in engg. called?> A Visitor.>> 2. What happens when all the engg. girls go on a> trip to the moon ?> Average beauty on the earth increases and that on> the moon decreases.>> 3. What happens when hundred new girls join an engg> college ?> Average beauty in the college further decreases.>> 4. What happens when two engg. girls meet at fashion> show?> They discuss t
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a t
One evening，in the midst of dinner preparation，our 10 yearold daughter asked，“Mom my， what's puberty？”My wife was rushed at the moment，so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary，after which they could talk about it．A few minutes later，Peggy returned．Her mother asked what the dictionary had said．“Puberty means，”announced Peggy，“the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear childre
I am practising martial arts... right now its jujutsu for 1½ years... have been doing taekwondo for 2 years too..does anyone else practise?
Talking Clock:While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den."What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked."That is the talking clock," the guy replied."How's it work?" the friend asked."Watch," the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It&
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?""Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look in
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The law
Anyone watch anime?I do, lol, my favorite anime would have to be...., well, heres a small list1. Serial Experiments Lain2. Love hina3. Trigun4. GTO5. Tenchi Muyo (all of the series) I LOVE !!!WASHU!!!6. Outlaw Star7. .Hack//Sign8. Dual9. Prinsess Monanoke (i cant spell it, and its a movie)10. Spirited Away (movie)
One very interesting joke: 3 WishesA blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is
Sara and Jamie were on their way home one night, when they had to go to the bathroom, They were in the middle of nowhere and there wasn't a bathroom for miles. They drove a little longer and saw a cemetary, they decided to stop. so they both went and found a gravestone to pee behind. Sara went pee and wiped on her panties and got back in the car and threw them on the floorboard, Jamie wasn't wearing any panties and started looking around for something to wipe on. She found a wreath on a
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants.The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?"
I like this one: A lawyer is seated next to a blonde on the airplane. He asks her if she'd like to play a fun game, but the blonde, who just wants to get some sleep, politely declines and rolls the other way. Not to be deterred, the lawyer wakes her. "It's really fun! We ask each other questions and if one of us doesn't know the answer, they have to pay the other!" The blonde declines again. The lawyer, who figures he'll make a small fortune if he can just get t
A man comes up to his neighbour while he is fixing his car. The car is obviously broken, and it's engine sounds like WW2.1: Your engine is making allot of noise buddy!2: What?!1: I said: Your engine is making allot of noise!2: Whaaaaaaaat?!1: Your engineeee is making allot of noiseeeeee!2: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat??!!1: I SAID: Your engine is making a hell of allot of noise!2: WHAAAAAAAT???!!! Speak up I can't hear you! My engine is making allot of
These are actual directions found on certain products around theworld!1. Directions found on a bag of frito corn chips. "You could be a winner!!! No purchase neccessary!!! Details inside!" you think to your self (Shoplifters special)2. On Tesco's Tiramisu Desert (directions on bottom) "Do not turn upsode down" (Too late)3. On Marks & Spncers Bread Pudding. "Product will be hot after heating" (Just as day follows
Outrageously Funny Old Dc Comic Book Covers
It's a thread in another forum where some guys found some incredible covers from super man spin off comics (mainly jimmy olsen and lois lane) I know it doesn't sound like much, but here's the link, you have to see for yourself:http://www.allspark.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=58040 (Edited for dumbness)and, to prove it's worth your precious time, here goes a teaser:and by the way, they're all real, taken from www.comics.org
Foxtrot, Pearls Before Swine, Get Fuzzy Comics
I set up a script to retrieve comics daily for my site, and check out these three comics for today.^Get Fuzzy^FoxTrot^Pearls Before SwineThat's so awesome! Probably all three artists got together and planned their strips for today.
A lady who was known as Churchill's main rival in parliament was giving a speech. Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his rival, dozed off while the lady was speaking. She stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston by yelling, "Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?" Churchill sleepily replied, "No, ma'am. I do so purely by choice."Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?"Farmer: &quo
A man came to work Monday with two black eyes. "Where did you get them black eyes?" a co-worker asked."In church," the man replied. "As we were standing," the man continued, "I noticed the dress of the woman in front of me was stuck up the crack of her *bottom*. So, I pulled it out. She turned and belted me in the eye.""Well, how did you get the second black eye?""Evidently, she didn't like me pulling her dress out of the crack of her *b
There is a three-year old little girl named Lilly in my appartment, who has a really lovely looking. Everyone in this building love her, including my two-year old boy.One day, my little boy was ill at home, we tried to make him eat some medicine. He kept throwing them away. Then I said "baby, this is the candy Lilly left for you," before I finishing my sentence, he quickly took it and turned to his dad, said" Dad, this is the love power!"I am sweating
two guys walk into a bar.... third one ducks.
A Blonde's New JobA blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of two miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away.The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed four miles on her first day, double the average! &
"Life's Tough Questions" 01. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 02. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 03. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 04. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 05. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 06. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me,
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.""There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.""Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of
One old man lost his bike always, when he puts a bike bought newly downstairs, he do three lock and insert one paper, writing above: Let you steal again! ! The second overhead traveling crane has not been lost , and have two more locks and a piece of paper yet, write above: Let you ride again!
Anyone know any? These things are really hilariousWhen Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. LOL!
Spme nun was saying that she was raped, and was completely freaking out about it. So she goes to Mother Superior, and says, "Mother Superior. I've been raped, and I don't know what to do. Can you please help." "Of course my child. I will gladly offer my advice. The first thing you need to do is suck on a lemon." "Will that prevent me from getting pregnant?" "No. But it will wipe that smile of your face."
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, wi
QUOTEQuestion: What is the truest definition of Globalization?Answer: Princess Diana's death.Question: How come? Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriendcrashes in a French tunnel,driving a German carwith a Dutch engine,driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky,followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,on Japanese motorcycles;treated by an American doctor,using Brazilian medicines.This is posted by an Indian, using Bill Gates 's technology,and you're probably
A genie sees a bear chasing a rabbit and calls out to the bear, "If you stop chasing that little rabbit, I'll grant you each two wishes." The bear agrees and says, "OK, I want to have the biggest penis any bear ever had." The genie nods, and it is done. The rabbit says, "I would like a motorcycle." The genie shrugs and grants the rabbit's wish. The bear says,"I want all the bears in the world to be female except me." His wish is granted. The rabbit
I love familly guy I think its one of the greatest comidys ever made next to the simpsons.I also heard they are making new episodes and a movie does anybody know when that will be coming out?
This joke is funny the first time you hear it, but then it gets lame.Q: How do you circumcise a whale??A: Send down 4 skin divers.hhahahhahahahhaa
Basically a stupid idiot:
A Man Was Driving Home Late One Afternoon
A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror.He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before yo
I was happy. My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year and we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me and my girlfriend? She was a dream!There was only one thing bothering me (quite a bit actually), and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart; but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, quite obviously too and it made me feel uncomfortable.One day, she called me and asked me to come over to check
Read the whole thing. This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter (This is the State's Letter!) QUOTESUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm CountyDear Mr. DeVries:It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized
Q:Hey why did the blonde bring a ruler to bed?A: Because she wanted to measure how long she slept.
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pe
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, t
Bob calls in to his job:"Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I'm not coming into work today."The boss says:"You know Bob I really need you today. When I feel like this I go tomy wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better andI can go to work. You should try that."2 hours later Bob calls:"Boss, I did what you said and I feel great! I be at work soon. By theway, you got ni
Here's Some Jokes To Make You Laugh A Little.
[note=googlue]Moved over to Jokes section from Creativity forum.[/note]hey here's a couple of jokes for you. you could post some jokes too just for fun..Joke #1A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
Found this one, felt i had to pass it on, if u read it too fast ull miss itAn elderly woman calls animal control and says she has a grizzly bear in a tree in her front yard, so she is hesitant to go outside. Right away an agent shows up. He steps out of his truck with a large net and starts laying on the ground around the tree. "What's that for?" says the woman. "To catch the bear" replies the agent.He goes to his truck again. This time he comes back with a pit bulldog, w
How I was born?QUOTESon asks his dad,"Daddy, how was I born?"His dad sighs and replies,"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!" "Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at acyber-cafe.We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used
Have you ever laughed at a joke because it was so bad(read aloud)"what do you call a french man who is a shoe""phillepe phillope" for those who didn't get it, it is flip flop when said fastmaybe it is my unique twisted sense of humour that made me laughbut I found this joke funny because it was so badHave you ever found a joke funny because it was so bad?Put them up
22 Worst thing sto say to a police officer
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged n.3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!5. Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.7. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.8. Bad cop!
The 10 Most Important Men in a Man's Life
The 10 Most Important Men in a Man's Life!1. The Doctor because he says "take your clothes off".2. The Dentist because he says "relax and open wide".3. The Hairdresser because he asks "do you want it teased or blown"?4. The Milkman because he asks "do you want it in the front or back"?5. The Interior Decorator because he says "once it's in you'll like it".6. The Stockbroker because he says "it will rise quickly, fluctua
I found this list of a bunch of cars (such as Honda, Audi, and BMW) the other day. I especially love Honda's acronym.QUOTEACURAAnother Crummy, Useless, Rotten AutomobileAsia’s Curse Upon Rural AmericaAMCAll Makes CombinedA Major CostA Mutated CarA Morons CarAnother Major CatastropheAUDIAwfully Unsafe Designs ImplementedAccelerates Under Demonic InfluenceAutomobile Under Demonic InfluenceAnother Ugly Deutsche InventionAlways Undermining Deutsche IntelligenceAutomobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.BMWB
A blonde and a brunette both jumped off a cliff at the same time. Which made it to the ground first?The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.is this funny?
Hi, just wondering if anybody around here remembers the days of Full House's Bob Saget hosting Americas Funniest Home Videos. Man that guy sucked, he made the worst jokes and comments ever. They've been playing some reruns here in Australia and they just get worse over time.
Kissing And SlapA Nepali guy, an Indian guy, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there was a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The old woman, beautiful girl and the Indian guy are sitting there looking perplexed. The Indian guy is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. The old woman is thinking: That Indian guy must have tried to kiss that
S O M E T I M E SSometimes... when you cry... no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried... no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile.But FART!! just ONE time...And everybody knows!!Gotcha!! You thought it was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!
Just wondering if anybody here has ever had the priveledge to enjoy David Brents antics on BBC's "The Office". They've won tons of awards this year, including a 2 golden globes for best comedy and best actor. They were the first non-us show and actor to ever even be nominated for the two categories and managed to win them both!If your sick of the typical American show with fake laughter after every single cliché line and want to watch some good original comedy without the d
The Shortest And Longest Sentences In The World.
My 8th grade English teacher told me this joke (haha along with the chili one...will post that after this).What is the shortest sentence in the world? Answer: Go. or Be.What is the longest sentence in the world? Answer: I do.
The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage at an Anglican and Catholic commemoration of the Anglo-Irish accords - the crowd is huge in the thousands. Her Majesty and His Holiness, can't help but have a little rivalry - both being heads of churches and all. The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits ra
one mother said to her boy buy for my 4 coka colasthe boy is now in the shop he sees regulaer calas at 5$ and super colas at 1$his mother gived him 24$he got an idia in his mind: "i buy 4 regular colas for my mother and 4 super for me and my mother wont suspect me"he bougt 4 and 4in the way he opened the forst super cola and drunk itsudenly he starten to say:"lalalalalala..."in the way he opened the twoned super cola and drunk itnow he says:"lala aic aic l
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?A. Frosted FlakesQ. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?A. An airbag.Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.Q. What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?A. They both swallowed a lot of semen.Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.Q. How did the blonde bur
What do you call a blonde in a highly educated institute?<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><> <><><><><><><> <><><><><> <><><>
Here are a couple of Bushisms that are funny (I have bolded words that you should pay attention to, to get it):QUOTE (politicalhumor.about.com)"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. " —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —P
A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen she dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?" The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." ”You're wasting your time," says the boy. "Why is that?" aske
TimeTime Never Waits You You Wait The Time You Can Not Stop The Time But... Time Can Stop You So.. Enjoy, Romance....Your Life Enjoy..Till You Are AliveHow BeautifulHow beautiful the blandishments of spring! Arrays of passion blooming in the aisles, Praise exploding, palpable as dust, Pain surfeited, like water on the run, Yearning for the salience of the sea. Truth, however, lies in everything, Held like paint within the glaze of tiles, Intrinsic to both recklessness and rust, Resident in s
Ali G's sister is pregnent but lands up in a coma after a terrible accident.6 months passes and she wakes up, she sees she's not pregnent anymore and panics asking the doctor "What happend to my child?"The doctor says don't worry, you had twins- a boy and a girl, your brother came in and named them.Ali G's sister then says "What!? My brother, I can't believe that, he's an idiot! What did he name them?"Expecting the worse the doctor says to her,
Insane asylum president draw with chalk pieces of door at wall and say who opens whom right away leave hospital ! The patient rushes on like a swarm of hornets, only one patient do not move ,president ask him why? Whether you proud to is it draw I say in a low voice on one side to smile secretly. I have keys!
Just Read Some Of These Are Funny
QUOTE"President Bush unveiled his new budget proposals yesterday and they call for eliminating money for Amtrak. Or as Bush explained it 'Choo-choos go bye-bye.'""The Philadelphia Eagles say their quarterback Donovan McNabb was so ill during the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl that he almost threw up. Actually McNabb did throw up, but it was intercepted by New England.""Next week, Ashlee Simpson is launching her tour. When asked about it, Ashlee said, 'Lucki
How Hell froze overOnce, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After rewieving his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me" he said, opening the gate and walking in.After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.Saint Pete was furious."If you do that again, You'll
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,Somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail,Expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floo
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool ta
What Material Is Darth Vaders Sword Made Of?
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One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him." So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir," he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!" The second man turns around and says "Yeah, I noticed the same thing, where you from?", "I'm
A man says to his wife "with the mortgage and all our monthly bills, we're not going to have enough money to survive...you're going to have to go out and sell sex!"...she agrees to do so and on the next night is all done up in her tartiest clothes.She goes out at around 6pm and comes back at 11 with a jar full of money.They sit down together and count it out."£112.50" says the wife, at the end."Who gave you the 50p?""All of them"
Nice little story and all true.------------------------------For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."In response to Bill's comments, General Mot
Things NOT to Say to a Naked Man...That's it?Wow - look at all the hair on your back!Maybe you should start going to the gym more.That was fine, dear...pass me my vibrator?Thats a shame, maybe we should grab a video instead?Wake me when it's over, ok?I think the condom's too big.Zzzzzz....You want me to what?!?Well, that explains the padded pants.Did you take out the garbage yet?My husband's in the Marines.He's due home any day now.Is that a toupee?So THAT'S what
Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.Q. How does a blonde part their hair?A. By doing the splits.Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?A. Nothing, they haven't met!Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.Q. What's a blondes favori
What is red and green and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender
Okay here goes nothing:An alien walks into a bar and sits down next to a jok. Alien licks his finger and puts it into the joks ear. Jok gets mad and ignores him. Alien does it again. Jok does nothing. Alien does it again and the jok does nothing. Alien does it again and the jok says " If you do that again I will beat you." Alien does it again. Jok picks him up and kicks him in the nuts. Alien gets up and sits back down next to the jok. Jok says "What the... I kicked you in the nu
The following is from http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Hypocrite...Have_Done.shtmlI've seen it elsewhere too and couldn't find the site and just did a search on it, I'm not sure where it originated thoughQUOTEThe two thousand member church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the tw
1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer? There's no blood in my alcohol"2. When they ask why you were speeding, tell them you wanted to race.3. When they talk to you, pretend you are deaf.4. If they ask if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......5. When they ask why you were speeding, tell them you had to buy a hat.6. Ask them where they bought their cool hat.7. Refer to them by their first name.8. Pretend you are gay and ask t
There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise. The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !" They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?" LM
TEACHER : Why are you late?BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.TEACHER : What sign?BALGOBIN : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using tables!*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?BALGOBIN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"TEACHER : No, that's wrongBALGOBIN :
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "Ho
Two things they teach Marines:1. Keep your priorities in order2. Know when to act without hesitationA college professor, an avowed atheist, was teaching his class.He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going toprove there was no God.Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want youto knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes."The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall.Ten minutes went by.Again he taunted
If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.Pearls melt in vinegar.Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but
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Frequently Asked Questions -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive ? 2. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds ? 3. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii ? 4. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes ? 5. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there ? 6. Do you need a silencer if you are goin
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