These are a few Ya mama jokes I heard when I was a kid. Ya mama's so poor, she has to use a fork with cereal to save on milk:PYa mama's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can, I asked her what she was doing and she said she was moving. Ya mama's so poor, when I stepped on a cigarrete on the ground, she said why did you get rid of my heat. blah, that's all i can think of for now,. I'll write more when I think of them
Good night Kiss!One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to bid each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?" Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her. "No, please.
come on,reading the tongue twister below at your fastest speed.Now,time..."i can can a small can in a big canbut i can not can a big can in a small canif you can a big can in a small can you can can what i can not can"tongue twister is a very interesting format of language.can you give some good tongue twister to practise?
Sign The The Trap17 Ban Petition
http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?trapbanwe need as many signatures as possible these people are menace to society.Editors not-we are not actually banning these people, this is why this topic is under the joke section
Nice little story and all true.------------------------------For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."In response to Bill's comments, General Mot
Where can i download Ophra on the net?
Is Saint Michael As Evil As He Says He Is?
The purpose of this post is to share SM "Evil" stories with all of us.If he has been "evil" towards you or if you witnessed an "evil" act directed towards others, please take a minute and share it with all of us.Thanks for sharing.
How I was born?QUOTESon asks his dad,"Daddy, how was I born?"His dad sighs and replies,"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!" "Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at acyber-cafe.We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used
A man walks into a bar swinging a set of jumper leads above his head. The barman looks over and says "You're not going to start anything in here, mate!" Three strings walk into a bar. The bartender throws them out, yelling "Can't you read the sign?! I don't serve strings." The strings try again, and again the bartender kicks them out. Finally, one of the strings gets the idea to mess himself up a little. He walks into the bar. The bartender scowls, "W
Anyone know any? These things are really hilariousWhen Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. LOL!
Joke: Teacher And The Smart Boy
QUOTEA beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked, "Boy. What is your problem?" Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!" Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told M
The Funniest Websites On The Net
I Am Going To Start Of This Topic By Suggesting miniclip.com(Games Site)
Once a girl is quite fantasized about "69". She has a regular boyfriend they have never done it before. One day she invites her boyfriend to her apartment for romantic dinner. After heavy dinner, she tells him that she wants to do "69". But the Boyfriend doesn't have any idea about what is 69. Girlfriend gets upset but thinks that she can teach him how to do 69. she asks him to lay down...and she then lays on top of him in reverse direction so as in 69. The boyfriend is
See! This Is The Power Of Your Mind
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig h
One evening，in the midst of dinner preparation，our 10 yearold daughter asked，“Mom my， what's puberty？”My wife was rushed at the moment，so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary，after which they could talk about it．A few minutes later，Peggy returned．Her mother asked what the dictionary had said．“Puberty means，”announced Peggy，“the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear childre
BE MY VALENTINE! Just Say YES... ----heheheü freaky valentine!
Some Intelligent Doubts About Humans
QUOTE 1.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to begiven a thought)2.If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during aplane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?(very good thinking)3.Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)4.Can you cry under water? (let me try)5.Why do people say, "you've been working like adog" when dogsjust sitaround all day? (I think they meant something else)6.Why are the numbers on a
You Are A Bad Cook If... - The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire - Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven. - You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark! - Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop. - The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter. - Those annoying pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy
22 Worst thing sto say to a police officer
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged n.3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!5. Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.7. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.8. Bad cop!
Hey, Welcome to the thread were I will prove that Girls are EVIL!!Very Imporant NOTE: I do NOT hate neither am I against girls. This is justmeant as a joke. I actually adore women, they are the most beautyful beingson the planet, and they must be worshipped Well anyway, let's get to subject!There is a mathematical proof that girls really are evil, I'll be happyto show it to you!Here I go:$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&
If you ever get lost in india and want to find out where you are, thisis the best way of doing just that. scenario 1two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,then a fourth and they start arguing about who s right - you are in kolkata. scenario 2two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,sees them and walks on - that s mumbai.scenario 3two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along &tries to make peace. the first two get together & beat him up - thats delhi .scenario 4t
The Real Reason We Have The Internet
I stumbled upon this while being bored and what not and this documentary tells us the real reason we have the internet.The Real reason we have the internet btw hahahahaha
http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz/I did 7 / 10.
Just A Good Joke To Wake Up With
The English And Scotish DreamAn english man and a scotish man are driving down a winding road in the dark. Suddenly they crash, but by a miracle non of them are hurt but their cars are written off. They both get out their cars, walk to each other and say "Listen, lets put all this behind us, lets live in peace, the english and scotish" After this, the scotish man goes to his car boot and pulls out a 12 year old bottle of whisky and offers the english man a drink, he drinks half and off
...welll..is it gonna happen , iam sure it will Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..." Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order." Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?" Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's6102049998-45-54610."Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 MeadowlandDrive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at LincolnInsurance is 745-2302 and yo
Anyone watch anime?I do, lol, my favorite anime would have to be...., well, heres a small list1. Serial Experiments Lain2. Love hina3. Trigun4. GTO5. Tenchi Muyo (all of the series) I LOVE !!!WASHU!!!6. Outlaw Star7. .Hack//Sign8. Dual9. Prinsess Monanoke (i cant spell it, and its a movie)10. Spirited Away (movie)
I think this has great potential as yet unexplored:You MIGHT be a HACKER if:You have more computers up on blocks than you do cars.You lost the sides to your computer case and the cat has claimed one as it's home...Your kid says he needs a computer, you rummage through the closet and make one from parts found there...
Canadian ConfidencePresident George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang."Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on you,eh!"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?""Right now,
Customer: "I want to download the Internet. Do I need a bigger hard disk?"Download the Internet here
Five Most Ridiculous Lies You Were Taught In School
**WARNING: SOME FOUL LANGUAGE USED**Hahaha... this is freakin' hilarious... XDhttp://www.cracked.com/article_16101_5-mos...tory-class.html
Talking Clock:While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den."What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked."That is the talking clock," the guy replied."How's it work?" the friend asked."Watch," the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It&
New windowshttp://www.zone.ee/someflashes/windows-rg.swf
One very interesting joke: 3 WishesA blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is
I actually had tears in my eyes.Some of you may not find it that funny, but my sense of humour can be a bit weird sometimes Check out the homestarrunner homepage! Scroll the mouse over 'toons'Teen girl squad (found on the remote control in 'toons') is also pretty hilarious LOL
Here's Some Jokes To Make You Laugh A Little.
[note=googlue]Moved over to Jokes section from Creativity forum.[/note]hey here's a couple of jokes for you. you could post some jokes too just for fun..Joke #1A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
A guy called Steve dies and goes to heaven. He is stood at the pearly gate and recieved a harp and a halo off St. Patrick. He enters heaven and sees many other people with harps and halos, but one man had something diffrent. He had a keg of beer and a gorgeous naked woman with him. Steve was furious, all he got was a harp and a halo. So steve visits St. Patrick complaining about the man. St. Patrick reassures Steve and tells him this man is being punished. Steve cant believe what he is hearing,
Just found this a few days ago..QUOTEWe've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, the following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.CROP DUSTINGWhen farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesnt know
Some Members may not appreciate this article, so I have enclosed it in a "click to open/hide" tag.A 'mature' sense of humour is required for this one. [hide=option1] If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.Here's what happened:Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me t
First-year Students At Medical School Were Receiving Their First
Students having the first anatomy LessonQUOTEFirst-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a Doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body. "For an example, the Professor pulled back the s
The Five Toughest Questions Women Ask
The five toughest questions women ask - and their answers According to Sassy magazine, the five questions are: 1. "What are you thinking?" 2. "Do you love me?" 3. "Do I look fat?" 4. "Do you think she is prettier than me?" 5. "What would you do if I died?"What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For
You Know Your Having A Bad Day When...
You know your having a bad day when...You lose the piece of paper where you had your passwords written. You remember that you accidently threw out the piece of paper with all yourpasswords on it, and you have to rummage through 5 feet of garbage to lookfor it. After looking through the garbage for an hour, you realize that you have atext file of your passwords saved to disk. You forget to turn the computer off before you start messing around with theinside of it. Your air conditioner breaks down
all i know that is good for jokes is http://newjokes.com/
Basically a stupid idiot:
One old man lost his bike always, when he puts a bike bought newly downstairs, he do three lock and insert one paper, writing above: Let you steal again! ! The second overhead traveling crane has not been lost , and have two more locks and a piece of paper yet, write above: Let you ride again!
Here are a couple of Bushisms that are funny (I have bolded words that you should pay attention to, to get it):QUOTE (politicalhumor.about.com)"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. " —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —P
QUOTEDear Tech Support:Last Year i upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of valueable space and resources. The new program also seems to need more and better system specs every month. Wife 1.0 installed it self into all other programs and now moniters all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5 and Racing 3.6 are automatically blocked and when t
Fbi's New Way Of Keeping Eyes On The Terrorists
The FBI (Federal bereu Of Investigation) has immediatly issued somthing new that will track everyones movements ont he internet and i mean everything!!Click HERE To see what i mean!They will always have eyes on you while your on the itnernetThis is just a joke of course..lmao
QUOTE Don't take a man shoppingProof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband orboyfriend along shopping. This letter was recently sent by a leading super market's Head Office to a customer in Oxford . Dear Mrs. Murray,While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the T3$co LoyaltyCard, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.Below is a list of offences ov
Man Lies For A Good And Honorable Reason & For The Benefit Of Others
a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of othersQUOTEIf a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it! "One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his l
Hi, just wondering if anybody around here remembers the days of Full House's Bob Saget hosting Americas Funniest Home Videos. Man that guy sucked, he made the worst jokes and comments ever. They've been playing some reruns here in Australia and they just get worse over time.
The Shortest And Longest Sentences In The World.
My 8th grade English teacher told me this joke (haha along with the chili one...will post that after this).What is the shortest sentence in the world? Answer: Go. or Be.What is the longest sentence in the world? Answer: I do.
A genie sees a bear chasing a rabbit and calls out to the bear, "If you stop chasing that little rabbit, I'll grant you each two wishes." The bear agrees and says, "OK, I want to have the biggest penis any bear ever had." The genie nods, and it is done. The rabbit says, "I would like a motorcycle." The genie shrugs and grants the rabbit's wish. The bear says,"I want all the bears in the world to be female except me." His wish is granted. The rabbit
These are actual directions found on certain products around theworld!1. Directions found on a bag of frito corn chips. "You could be a winner!!! No purchase neccessary!!! Details inside!" you think to your self (Shoplifters special)2. On Tesco's Tiramisu Desert (directions on bottom) "Do not turn upsode down" (Too late)3. On Marks & Spncers Bread Pudding. "Product will be hot after heating" (Just as day follows
JUNK MATERIAL REMOVED
Computer EdenIn the beginning God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those hecreated the Word.And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. AndGod separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said -Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disksand hard disks and compact disks.And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to putfloppy disks and hard disks and compact
There are 10 kinds of people in the world the ones who understand binary,and the ones who dont!
TAE A FERTThis poem is appropriate for reading to an audience shortly after they have eaten the haggis - you will need an audience with a sense of humour!Oh what a sleekit horrible beastieLurks in yer belly efter the feastieJust as ye sit doon among yer kinThere sterts to stir an enormous wind.The neeps and tatties and mushy peasStert workin like a gentle breezeBut soon the puddin wi the sauncie faceWill have ye blawin’ all ower the place.Nae matter whit the hell ye daeA’bodys gonnae have ta
Why Geeks And Nerds Are Worth It...
In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I’ve never ha
Microsoft has relaesed a Linux Distro in Late 2003, named Micorosoft Linux, http://www.mslinux.org/This is what the site claims,QUOTEMicrosoft Linux provides all the power of the Linux Operating System with the ease of use you've come to expect from Microsoft Products. Microsoft Linux brings a new level of productivity to Linux, without sacrificing flexibility, performance, and control. In addition to features like My Home Directory and My Configuration, Microsoft Linux contains greatly impr
A Few Sayings Me And A Friend Proved Innacurate
So in our hours of boredom me and a friend have disproven a few sayings and here they are:1. Money cant buy you happiness -- Yes it can, buy some anti-depressants and other general "happy pills" Easy peasy.2. What happens when the unstoppable bullets hits the impenetrable armour? -- Simple, the armour and bullet simply move at the same speed, the armour isnt damage and the bullet isnt stopped 3. BullS**t -- Well as bulls do ... defecate Bulls**t is essentially true.And thats about i
The Top Nicest Ways To Tell A Person That They're Ugly
Have you ever seen a person that was so ugly that you'd kill yourself if you were them? Ok, I'm not talking about how people look different, and making fun of them. No, I'm talking about that SPECIAL UGLY. They're so ugly that they got boogers smeared on they're face and they wear excessive mascara ugly. You wanna tell them that they're ugly, right? But on the other hand, you don't want to hurt their feelings. Well, I happen to be an expert on these things ! Just
World's Most Efficient Firewall.. But ....... !
QUOTE One human cell contains 75MB genetic information.One sperm contains a half of that; that is 37.5MB.One ml of semen contains 100 million sperms.An average ejaculation lasts for 5 sec and contains 2.25 ml semen. This means that the through-put of a man's member is equal to (37.5MB x 100,000,000 x 2.25)/5 = 1,687,500,000,000,000 byte/second16875 Тerabyte/secThis means that the female egg cell withstands this DDoS attack at 1,6875 terabyte persecond, and only lets through one(&#
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, wi
Two goldfish were in their tank. One turns to the other and says, "You man the guns, I'll drive." do you get it?
What is red and green and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The law
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants.The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?"
Law: For each act of public swearing a person shall be fined one dollar.Country: United StatesCitation: ?61-8-15. Profane swearing and drunkenness; penalty.If any person arrived at the age of discretion profanely curse or swear or get drunk in public, he shall be fined by a justice one dollar for each offense.
Just Read Some Of These Are Funny
QUOTE"President Bush unveiled his new budget proposals yesterday and they call for eliminating money for Amtrak. Or as Bush explained it 'Choo-choos go bye-bye.'""The Philadelphia Eagles say their quarterback Donovan McNabb was so ill during the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl that he almost threw up. Actually McNabb did throw up, but it was intercepted by New England.""Next week, Ashlee Simpson is launching her tour. When asked about it, Ashlee said, 'Lucki
find out the funny movie!!!click the text and wait a while,then you can see the movie!enjoy it!that is so funny,but no all movie is funny,have some fantasy show.http://www.jumbo.32.hk/
The following is from http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Hypocrite...Have_Done.shtmlI've seen it elsewhere too and couldn't find the site and just did a search on it, I'm not sure where it originated thoughQUOTEThe two thousand member church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the tw
<< removed >><< removed >>A blonds driving down the motorway and her husbandrings her up. He tells her that he's been listening to the radio and that there's a maniac driving down the wrong side of the motorway.She replies " No there's not, there hundreds driving down the wrong way(in case you dont get it: she's the one driving down the wrongside of the motorway)[note=BuffaloHELP]Keep the jokes PG rated.[/note]
QUOTEA rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him. As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him. The Pope then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over and whispered something in the sot's ear, and made his way on again. This really angered
You Know Your Obsessed With Forums
You say l33t in publicyou walk up to a store Manager to sign up for your first job and say " do i get mod Privillages with this?say omg when your friends see you at work, in a costume. not Oh my god... omgYou go to an old Roman Forum in Italy and say " Wheres the Registration zone?"when you claim your best friend "hacked" because you seemigly lost your postsKick somone out of a store for stealing and say BANNED!!!Consider the Video Games "Gaming" an
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but nat
QUOTEQuestion: What is the truest definition of Globalization?Answer: Princess Diana's death.Question: How come? Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriendcrashes in a French tunnel,driving a German carwith a Dutch engine,driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky,followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,on Japanese motorcycles;treated by an American doctor,using Brazilian medicines.This is posted by an Indian, using Bill Gates 's technology,and you're probably
Merry Christmas, Happy HanukkahIn Light of recent media attention, I'm posting the following:Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or the secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or t
QUOTEThe Universal Grade Change Form To: Professor _______________ From: ____________________ I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons: __1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did. __2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did. __3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into: __Medical School __Graduate School __Dental School __Fraternity/Sororit
Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.Here's why.A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.She let out a very loud
two guys walk into a bar.... third one ducks.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?""Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look in
Ali G's sister is pregnent but lands up in a coma after a terrible accident.6 months passes and she wakes up, she sees she's not pregnent anymore and panics asking the doctor "What happend to my child?"The doctor says don't worry, you had twins- a boy and a girl, your brother came in and named them.Ali G's sister then says "What!? My brother, I can't believe that, he's an idiot! What did he name them?"Expecting the worse the doctor says to her,
The 5 Steps To Perfect Relationship
1. It is important to find a woman who helps at home, who cooks fromtime totime, cleans up and has a job.2. It is important to find a woman who can make you laugh.3. It is important to find a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie toyou.4. It is important to find a woman who is good in bed and who likes to bewith you.5. It is very important that these four women don't know each other.
Alabama: 1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.California: 1. Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.Connecticut: 1. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. 2. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.Florida: 1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. 2. A special law prohib
Irishman Goes To The Doc With 2 Burnt Ears...
An irishman goes to the doc with two burnt ears. The doc looks at the ears and exclaims "How did you do this?""Well, I was doing the ironing when someone called me on the phone...I wasn't concentrating so I put the iron to my ear and burnt myself""Both ears?""Well, I had to call you for the appointment, didn't I!"
Spme nun was saying that she was raped, and was completely freaking out about it. So she goes to Mother Superior, and says, "Mother Superior. I've been raped, and I don't know what to do. Can you please help." "Of course my child. I will gladly offer my advice. The first thing you need to do is suck on a lemon." "Will that prevent me from getting pregnant?" "No. But it will wipe that smile of your face."
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, t
To Hit Yanukovich Face With Egg!
HIT THE YANUKOVICH FACE WITH EGG !!!This game was made on flash and is near 270KB. The game devoted president elections in Ukraine. The criminal power wanted that its mafia candidat Viktor Yanukovich would win but you probably heard about political situation in Ukraine and striking millions of people on the streets. So your aim is to hit the face in every 25 regions of Ukraine and help Ukrainian people. Good luck!
A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep traditiongoing, everyone got pissed and the bride's and groom's families had astorming rage and begin wrecking the reception room and generallykicking the crap out of each other.The police get called in to break up the fight.The following week, all members of both families appear in court. Thefight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calmwith the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court."The
one mother said to her boy buy for my 4 coka colasthe boy is now in the shop he sees regulaer calas at 5$ and super colas at 1$his mother gived him 24$he got an idia in his mind: "i buy 4 regular colas for my mother and 4 super for me and my mother wont suspect me"he bougt 4 and 4in the way he opened the forst super cola and drunk itsudenly he starten to say:"lalalalalala..."in the way he opened the twoned super cola and drunk itnow he says:"lala aic aic l
Source: off a email, and thought I may share this.A few of the new error messages that were taken under consideration during the development of the Windows XP operating system...• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. • BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.• Close your eyes and press escape three times.• File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) • Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User. • Enter any 11-digit prime number
Okay here goes nothing:An alien walks into a bar and sits down next to a jok. Alien licks his finger and puts it into the joks ear. Jok gets mad and ignores him. Alien does it again. Jok does nothing. Alien does it again and the jok does nothing. Alien does it again and the jok says " If you do that again I will beat you." Alien does it again. Jok picks him up and kicks him in the nuts. Alien gets up and sits back down next to the jok. Jok says "What the... I kicked you in the nu
I found this list of a bunch of cars (such as Honda, Audi, and BMW) the other day. I especially love Honda's acronym.QUOTEACURAAnother Crummy, Useless, Rotten AutomobileAsia’s Curse Upon Rural AmericaAMCAll Makes CombinedA Major CostA Mutated CarA Morons CarAnother Major CatastropheAUDIAwfully Unsafe Designs ImplementedAccelerates Under Demonic InfluenceAutomobile Under Demonic InfluenceAnother Ugly Deutsche InventionAlways Undermining Deutsche IntelligenceAutomobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.BMWB
QUOTEOne clear day...A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: - I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.- Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.- We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.- The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.- And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now think about that and
PG 16 =p Click mehThis is great! I laughed so hard lol
How many group posters does it take to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 53 to flame the spell checkers 41 to correct spelling/grammar flames 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb&
Read the whole thing. This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter (This is the State's Letter!) QUOTESUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm CountyDear Mr. DeVries:It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized
Facts About Mumbai Engineering College Girls
Facts about Engg. Gals !!!!!>> 1. What is the beautiful girl in engg. called?> A Visitor.>> 2. What happens when all the engg. girls go on a> trip to the moon ?> Average beauty on the earth increases and that on> the moon decreases.>> 3. What happens when hundred new girls join an engg> college ?> Average beauty in the college further decreases.>> 4. What happens when two engg. girls meet at fashion> show?> They discuss t
I also got these in an e-mail and thought i would share them QUOTETHE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER[Imagine that!]Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says[No, really?]Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers[ That'll stop 'em. ]Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]Panda Mating Fails;Veterinarian Takes Over[What a guy!]Miners Refuse to Work after Death[No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-so
QUOTETypes of computer virusesAdam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.Bill Clinton virus: This viru
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